The other day, one of my friends was asking me, “Tornar, why are you taking everything as a competition?” It really struck my mind. Aggressive, sometime can also be interpreted as hostile. Why do I have such a negative perception among others?
It is a habit. It comes so natural that I did not even notice it. I want to be the best in everything I am doing. I can not bear any compromise in the result. I crave for better. The result should at least be above average.
Last time I met my kinder garden teacher Mo. She was the first teach who enlightened those early days of my life. She was strict but she had taught me many important things in life. She also commented on me: “You are very aggressive”. I had enjoyed the comment and even proud of it. It served me well. It encourages and motivates myself. I found it protecting and enhancing my dignity and pride. I rarely think if I have missed out other things in life in exchange of this attitude.
It is one obvious difference between me and some of my friends. They may not that much achievement oriented like me, but they are more sociable. They had fun and satisfaction in their way. By being aggressive, I have inevitably offended many people, many friends. I become very poor in some critical people skills. My experiences have constructed my cognitive style by discarding less rewarding components.
The way one perceives the world has greatly modified by one’s personality. We always assume others would think in the same way we do. It is very wrong and dangerous. To the contrary, everyone has strong personality of themselves. Respecting others, yet uniting different thoughts for a common cause is a challenge for all leaders.
The same thing happened to different people will have different impact due to their mentality. I am still learning. I am learning different cognitive style from others. If before I was very much task oriented, now, I am learning be more people oriented.